You can’t pour from an empty cup.
Last night before I went to bed I wrote in a journal for 30 minutes. It started out sort of random, just thoughts about work and life lately, and gradually became notes about recharging and reconnecting with myself.
When I was in California last week, we did a workshop all about journaling. It was lead by Laura from Allswell Creative who has been journaling since she was 8 years old. She made so many points about the benefits of writing down your thoughts that resonated with me. I’ve always enjoyed writing but not for the purpose of brain dumping, more for the purpose of staying organized. We are living in a world where we are constantly available. Constantly distracted by a text message or the sound of an email or a vibration alerting us to look away from what we are doing. We are so connected but also so disconnected. Our focus is constantly pulled in a million different directions which in turn (at least for me personally) is draining our energy. Our cups are empty.
Laura recommended starting and ending your day with 4 minutes of journaling. Before you look at your phone and check in on all our distractions. Write it out. Write your thoughts, your list for the day ahead, what stresses you feel in your body. She recommended channeling your five senses, write down what you see, smell, feel, hear or can touch. Start there! And just write. Or draw! Release your mind. A journal will never judge you, will never talk back, it is a place to let go and release expectations. In a world where we are constantly performing for others, looking for reaction and approval and “likes,” your journal can be a place to hold your deepest truths, judgement free.
I also want to talk about this concept of a mask. It’s something Jackie and I talked a lot about last year and then I saw this video from one of my favorite IG follows. For so long I had a mask on. Seeking approval from people that should have never held that sort of power over me or from a social media standpoint, don’t even know me! I think in a lot of ways, life post college and into your early 30’s holds a lot of masks as you figure out the path for your life ahead. You put on a mask when people ask you about you career, or when you plan to start a family or details about your next house or if you’ll have more kids. It wasn’t until after I had Jack and even into 2020 that I had to release the mask. Because fuck that.
One of the greatest things I’ve learned since becoming a mom is the importance of filling your own cup. Doing things for yourself, taking a break, practicing self care and self love. It’s really easy to get caught up in the ‘doing’ for everyone around us but let me tell you from example – your cup matters, too.
I used to think that “filling my cup” meant exercising, making plans with girlfriends, getting my nails done, going out to dinner with Dave or reading a book. While all of these check the box of dedicating time to doing things for myself (and for sure fill my cup in a way), they still require doing and sometimes I don’t want to do. There is power in the not doing. Writing, closing your eyes, dancing, laying in the grass, REST. I find that fewer motions and being present with myself is the real way to fill my cup.
The online world can feel very isolating. For so long I felt this looming standard of perfection that was unattainable. I was a hamster on a wheel, trying to keep up but ultimately getting no where. Last year I decided I needed to refocus my energy, take off the mask, release expectation and live every day for myself and my family. No one else.
Last night I wrote about this corner of the internet, our Hello Adams Family community and what I hope it gives out into the world. I think it’s really easy to get caught up in the doing and feeling like there needs to be more, more, more and we forget about the reason we are here. I wrote down why I’m here + what I hope this space means for you:
to feel acknowledged and welcome
to feel relatable
to feel like who you are is enough
to take a break
to not compare
to come as you are
This post is sort of all over the place. But if you get anything from this post it’s that I am really happy with who I am today. I feel like I’ve removed all the bull shit, all the masks, all the toxicity. I want the same for you. Life is too short to waste it on things that drain your cup. Fill your cup. Let it overflow. Nothing matters more than cherishing the time you have with your family and friends. And if you have the space to help others feel this way too, use it.
PS: I’ve written quite a few open conversation posts this year and I wanted to share some of them here if you want to go back and read them again. Feelings Intentions + Other Stuff, Setting Healthy Boundaries for Yourself, Unfiltered and Letting Go, More is Not Always More, Showing Up for Yourself, Finding Your Purpose, Drowning Out the Noise – OMG clearly I have a lot to say, ha!