Self Love over 2 years ago by Liz Adams

Drowning Out the Noise

Do you ever feel like there is too much talk? About what you should be doing, should be eating, should be wearing, how to decorate your house, how to be more self aware, how to breathe, how to silence the voices in your ahead, how to push forward! I’ve done something really amazing the past six months – I’ve drowned out the noise.

I love advice. I love anyone telling me that X will happen if I do X. I appreciate a good quote, a good thought provoking reflection on who I’m meant to be and what’s to come. But I realize that I also don’t. Over the past year and a half I think I’ve done this full circle internal dive and it’s like I’ve grown 3 feet from where I was in March of 2020.

I used to look for opinions and feedback from others as sort of a road map for my life. In work for example, any sense of approval or recommendation or comment would lead me to explore a new area of opportunity. Or as I think we can all relate, if you see someone finding success in something then you want to do it, too. But I started to feel like a fraud. Like I wasn’t speaking my own truth, giving myself and my own thoughts the attention they deserved. I was feeling stuck in a slump that I couldn’t get out of. So I started having more conversations, revisiting past situations that maybe led to my feelings of validation or seeking approval and my fear of disappointment. I feel like I stripped myself down and let go of the heaviness that I felt to be someone that I wasn’t. And it has helped so much. So so much!

But then at the end of last year, I felt another shift within me. This strange urge not to talk to anyone about anything. Like I didn’t want anyone’s opinions, I didn’t want anyone to tell me that by doing X I would get X and I didn’t want anyone placing any judgement or criticizing my own choices. Like have those opinions but I don’t care. I drowned out the noice and it has been INCREDIBLE.

Something changed in me when we visited Charleston in November, when we bought our house, sold our house in Chicago and decided to move. It was the first time I have ever made a decision without talking to my family. It was the first time I let my own desires lead the way and didn’t factor in anyone else’s emotions.

Actually it wasn’t the first time. Let me tell you a little story. One of the most impactful years of my life was September 2008-September 2009 (when I met Dave). I had just graduated college in June 2008, had broken up with my high school boyfriend that I dated all through college. I lived downtown with my girlfriends and we spent our days working and our nights bouncing around the city having fun. I was sort of in this numb cloud after my relationship ended and was on a mission to fill the void. So I met a lot of boys…and I woke up with a lot of boys. 😉 I was emotionless, I had zero guilt over my choices, I would wake up and jump in a cab home to get changed for work and do it all again the next weekend. It was the most liberating year of my life. My girlfriends had serious boyfriends and I would go on dates with myself, meet up with random friends and I was this free spirit who was selfish and loved every second of it. I look back on that Liz and I’m so grateful for that year. I get emotional thinking about it which I think is a sign of how impactful it was for me. It was the year that I realized that i’m important. I didn’t have a care in the world. I did everything opposite of what society would say is appropriate for a woman and I didn’t give a fuck. It was awesome. On some level, that’s how I have felt since November. My choices are mine.

With all the news and guidance and opinions we have at our fingertips, I think we’ve lost the honest conversations we have with ourselves. We’ve let the noise make the decisions for us. I was feeling this pressure to be something more than I am, to reach my highest potential, to discover what i’m meant to be and I realized that I don’t really care right now. We’ve been taught to be innovators of our industry and to reach more people and to be impactful and I think we lose sight of where our impact lies. For me, my impact is at home. My kids are changing by the second. The best way I can envision what’s to come for me is to be present right now. To set a good example as a mom and a business owner. To remind women that it’s okay to be selfish and do things for yourself.

I’m 35 today and I’m really proud of where I am in life. Not just because of my family or my job but because it’s the first time I can remember that I’m living for myself. I’ve silenced the noise and I’m perfectly happy right here.

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  1. Thank you for this post Liz! I re-read it twice because I cannot believe how prevalent it is to my life and I’m sure many others. I always make decisions based on how other people will perceive it, consistently choosing the “right” thing to do – it is exhausting! I am ready to listen to myself, trust my gut, and see what happens. Fuck it!

    1. I am so happy that you’ve found peace for yourself and your beautiful family! I would just caution that you imply that promiscuity and bad decisions with multiple men made you feel free and happy. For so many women this isn’t the experience, we are left feeling empty and ashamed because deep down we look for lasting love and sleeping around is only filling a void. You are so lucky to have found a great husband and father for your children! I would just caution other particularly young women reading this that to sleep around often leads to loneliness, emptiness, and despair rather than freedom. Best wishes to you and all your readers!

      1. People can take that for what it is and interpret it into their own lives, I’m just speaking from my own experiences 🙂

      2. I’m sure you mean well by this, and maybe want to help others avoid choices you’ve made that you regret, but would also like to point out that Liz didn’t call her decisions ‘bad’ – that’s your word and therefore your judgment and it’s not anyone else’s place to tell Liz (or anyone else) how they should feel about it.

        1. Diddo to the last comment Mag. I don’t think you meant anything bad by your comment but I think what really needs to be examined here is not that women feel lonely and ashamed for sleeping around but they are MADE to feel this way by the perceptions and judgements of others. I think you should really think about if you actually felt ashamed of those experiences or just think you should have. I led a similar early 20’s existence to Liz that doesn’t bother me in the least but it is the judgement from others that leads to any negative feelings about it or not sharing it with others. (And being raised in the bible belt ;))! You may be different and really have negative feelings toward it and you know what that is a-okay too. (I do still think those feelings would be rooted in the judgement of others somehow though). So anyway, it all comes full circle to each her own and we should remember that… everyone’s experience is theirs and not ours to judge.

  2. Love this so much! It’s so hard to drown out the noise sometimes, but wow is making decisions for *you* so liberating. Thank you for sharing this reminder, and sending all the best for the year ahead!!

  3. Wanting to say thank you for sharing this thought I hadn’t realized the guilt I felt about moving until you put the feelings into words. My fiancé and I are moving soon and it’s slightly away from our friends and family. I have extreme guilt over it because I can tell how disappointing it is that we won’t be down the street from them. So just wanted to say thanks for sharing the reassurance of making a decision based just on your family and how you want your life to feel and be.

  4. The realest, rawest, most genuine and inspiring post ever! Love the candor and strength. Love the “you” in this. I have been following for a while and also have a little Jack with another baby boy on the way in 3 weeks, and I wonder– what’s it going to be like when I’m… when we’re,…. when the boys are….lifestyle influencers like you are revolutionizing how we connect with other women about all of the struggles and pearls of motherhood and maintaining ourselves along the way. It also looks really good when you guys do it lol no play dough on the butt of your yoga pants. Your content is gorgeous and you are lovely. Hugs to you and cheers to 35!!! So glad you found your happy place right here.

  5. This is a great post and exactly what I needed to read at this moment. Thank you for your candor and happy birthday!

  6. Thank you for sharing and for not giving a fuck about the noise the opinions! It helps the rest of us do the same. Turning 35 next month and I am now encouraged to go on a similar input diet ♥️ HBD

  7. Happy birthday Liz! This was exactly what I needed to hear after a particularly hard week. Thank you for the encouragement.

  8. YES! It took me a couple of years later but one morning I literally just realized that making decisions based purely on ‘I want to’ or ‘I don’t want to’ is ENOUGH. There doesn’t need to be any other rationalization or justification.

  9. Hi Liz 🙂 I don’t think I have ever commented on your blog but have read for years (I don’t do social media so I guess I’m not a big engager). I enjoy your blog, your style, and I have enjoyed your journey into motherhood. It has been interesting to watch you this last year let go of all that you have left behind and the brief posts of your internal shifts along the way. You are inspiring many young women I am sure. I can only imagine how difficult it is to both strive for authenticity and be an influencer. I love your story about your younger days! Glad you are back to not giving a f*€k. I am about 6 years older than you and let me tell you that the not caring just increases as you near 40. Looks like you have a head start! Good for you! Enjoy that beautiful new city from a fellow southern gal! 🙂 xo