Do you ever feel like there is too much talk? About what you should be doing, should be eating, should be wearing, how to decorate your house, how to be more self aware, how to breathe, how to silence the voices in your ahead, how to push forward! I’ve done something really amazing the past six months – I’ve drowned out the noise.
I love advice. I love anyone telling me that X will happen if I do X. I appreciate a good quote, a good thought provoking reflection on who I’m meant to be and what’s to come. But I realize that I also don’t. Over the past year and a half I think I’ve done this full circle internal dive and it’s like I’ve grown 3 feet from where I was in March of 2020.
I used to look for opinions and feedback from others as sort of a road map for my life. In work for example, any sense of approval or recommendation or comment would lead me to explore a new area of opportunity. Or as I think we can all relate, if you see someone finding success in something then you want to do it, too. But I started to feel like a fraud. Like I wasn’t speaking my own truth, giving myself and my own thoughts the attention they deserved. I was feeling stuck in a slump that I couldn’t get out of. So I started having more conversations, revisiting past situations that maybe led to my feelings of validation or seeking approval and my fear of disappointment. I feel like I stripped myself down and let go of the heaviness that I felt to be someone that I wasn’t. And it has helped so much. So so much!
But then at the end of last year, I felt another shift within me. This strange urge not to talk to anyone about anything. Like I didn’t want anyone’s opinions, I didn’t want anyone to tell me that by doing X I would get X and I didn’t want anyone placing any judgement or criticizing my own choices. Like have those opinions but I don’t care. I drowned out the noice and it has been INCREDIBLE.
Something changed in me when we visited Charleston in November, when we bought our house, sold our house in Chicago and decided to move. It was the first time I have ever made a decision without talking to my family. It was the first time I let my own desires lead the way and didn’t factor in anyone else’s emotions.
Actually it wasn’t the first time. Let me tell you a little story. One of the most impactful years of my life was September 2008-September 2009 (when I met Dave). I had just graduated college in June 2008, had broken up with my high school boyfriend that I dated all through college. I lived downtown with my girlfriends and we spent our days working and our nights bouncing around the city having fun. I was sort of in this numb cloud after my relationship ended and was on a mission to fill the void. So I met a lot of boys…and I woke up with a lot of boys. 😉 I was emotionless, I had zero guilt over my choices, I would wake up and jump in a cab home to get changed for work and do it all again the next weekend. It was the most liberating year of my life. My girlfriends had serious boyfriends and I would go on dates with myself, meet up with random friends and I was this free spirit who was selfish and loved every second of it. I look back on that Liz and I’m so grateful for that year. I get emotional thinking about it which I think is a sign of how impactful it was for me. It was the year that I realized that i’m important. I didn’t have a care in the world. I did everything opposite of what society would say is appropriate for a woman and I didn’t give a fuck. It was awesome. On some level, that’s how I have felt since November. My choices are mine.
With all the news and guidance and opinions we have at our fingertips, I think we’ve lost the honest conversations we have with ourselves. We’ve let the noise make the decisions for us. I was feeling this pressure to be something more than I am, to reach my highest potential, to discover what i’m meant to be and I realized that I don’t really care right now. We’ve been taught to be innovators of our industry and to reach more people and to be impactful and I think we lose sight of where our impact lies. For me, my impact is at home. My kids are changing by the second. The best way I can envision what’s to come for me is to be present right now. To set a good example as a mom and a business owner. To remind women that it’s okay to be selfish and do things for yourself.
I’m 35 today and I’m really proud of where I am in life. Not just because of my family or my job but because it’s the first time I can remember that I’m living for myself. I’ve silenced the noise and I’m perfectly happy right here.