This week has been a cluster. Does anyone else feel like they have lost all ability to be a functioning adult? Like I’m so beyond disorganized that not even the most efficient calendar can keep me in line. I’ve over committed myself, under prepared myself and stretched myself too thin. I’ve been behind on work since 2020, our family is drowning in laundry, I haven’t cooked a meal in weeks, I have days where it feels like all I do is clean and nothing gets picked up, and it seems like I just can’t get my act together to do anything as good as I used to. Yet, I still have so many things I want to do! And three kids to keep alive!
I took a moment yesterday morning to clean up the big boys room. I had to fly to Chicago yesterday afternoon and wanted to make sure they got into freshly made beds last night with all of their favorite stuffed animals lined up, waiting for them. While I was making their beds and looking at their mismatched sheets and pillows, the tiny collections of sentimental stuff on their dresser, this sense of calm rolled over me and I kind of laughed to myself and said, “it’s okay.”
It’s okay not to have it all together. It’s okay to feel like you can’t do it all. It’s okay to have help and still feel behind. It’s okay to change your mind. It’s okay to back out of plans. It’s okay to let it go for a day and come back to it tomorrow. It’s okay to tell your boss that you need a break. It’s okay to tell your partner that you need more help. It’s okay to tap out. It’s okay if you need more time. It’s okay if your choices aren’t going to make everyone happy.
It’s okay if you have to say no. It’s okay if you said yes and THEN you have to say no. It’s okay if the laundry isn’t done or your house isn’t in perfect shape or if you ordered McDonalds for dinner. It’s okay if the sheets don’t match. It’s okay if you didn’t give your kids a bath last night. It’s okay if you use paper plates. It’s okay if you gained 15lbs and you’re not in a hurry to lose it. It’s okay if you want to have a glass of wine every night.
So much of our time and energy is taken up by thoughts that what we are doing or how we are doing them or how we present ourselves to others isn’t enough. That the picture perfect photo you see online makes you feel less than because your life or your house or your style or your hair doesn’t look the same. And you know what, IT’S OKAY! How boring would it be if we all tried to emulate everything we saw in someone else.
I know for me, a big issue is the performance expectations I put on myself. I like to think that I can do it all. I can be the successful business owner and a loving wife and the Pinterest mom and the housekeeper and the social friend, all while going to bed early, eating well, working out, meditating, making to-do lists, checking off those to-do lists and getting outdoors. Let me tell you, I am slacking in all areas. If I’m successful in one area of my life then I’m drowning in another. And you know what, it’s okay. I’ve learned that something has to give to alleviate these unachievable expectations. I think (at least for me) that after 2020 and the excitement to get back to what once was, I’ve realized how happy I am in the less than. And all the stuff that I think needs to happen or get done or be portrayed as proof that I showed up, is silly. That it’s okay to be at peace with where you are, with the pace that life is moving and allow yourself space to BE OKAY with it.
So I just wanted to say that It’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay to feel the weight of the world and to sit in those feelings. It’s okay to have a bad day. It’s okay to feel like you’re not doing enough. Because you are. Because the days where I feel not okay, my kids ask me to lay on the floor with them and do a puzzle, or ride bikes or cuddle on the couch. And those are the only reminders I need to realize it’s okay.