Self Love over 2 years ago by Liz Adams

It’s Okay

This week has been a cluster. Does anyone else feel like they have lost all ability to be a functioning adult? Like I’m so beyond disorganized that not even the most efficient calendar can keep me in line. I’ve over committed myself, under prepared myself and stretched myself too thin. I’ve been behind on work since 2020, our family is drowning in laundry, I haven’t cooked a meal in weeks, I have days where it feels like all I do is clean and nothing gets picked up, and it seems like I just can’t get my act together to do anything as good as I used to. Yet, I still have so many things I want to do! And three kids to keep alive!

I took a moment yesterday morning to clean up the big boys room. I had to fly to Chicago yesterday afternoon and wanted to make sure they got into freshly made beds last night with all of their favorite stuffed animals lined up, waiting for them. While I was making their beds and looking at their mismatched sheets and pillows, the tiny collections of sentimental stuff on their dresser, this sense of calm rolled over me and I kind of laughed to myself and said, “it’s okay.”

It’s okay not to have it all together. It’s okay to feel like you can’t do it all. It’s okay to have help and still feel behind. It’s okay to change your mind. It’s okay to back out of plans. It’s okay to let it go for a day and come back to it tomorrow. It’s okay to tell your boss that you need a break. It’s okay to tell your partner that you need more help. It’s okay to tap out. It’s okay if you need more time. It’s okay if your choices aren’t going to make everyone happy.

It’s okay if you have to say no. It’s okay if you said yes and THEN you have to say no. It’s okay if the laundry isn’t done or your house isn’t in perfect shape or if you ordered McDonalds for dinner. It’s okay if the sheets don’t match. It’s okay if you didn’t give your kids a bath last night. It’s okay if you use paper plates. It’s okay if you gained 15lbs and you’re not in a hurry to lose it. It’s okay if you want to have a glass of wine every night.

So much of our time and energy is taken up by thoughts that what we are doing or how we are doing them or how we present ourselves to others isn’t enough. That the picture perfect photo you see online makes you feel less than because your life or your house or your style or your hair doesn’t look the same. And you know what, IT’S OKAY! How boring would it be if we all tried to emulate everything we saw in someone else. 

I know for me, a big issue is the performance expectations I put on myself. I like to think that I can do it all. I can be the successful business owner and a loving wife and the Pinterest mom and the housekeeper and the social friend, all while going to bed early, eating well, working out, meditating, making to-do lists, checking off those to-do lists and getting outdoors. Let me tell you, I am slacking in all areas. If I’m successful in one area of my life then I’m drowning in another. And you know what, it’s okay. I’ve learned that something has to give to alleviate these unachievable expectations. I think (at least for me) that after 2020 and the excitement to get back to what once was, I’ve realized how happy I am in the less than. And all the stuff that I think needs to happen or get done or be portrayed as proof that I showed up, is silly. That it’s okay to be at peace with where you are, with the pace that life is moving and allow yourself space to BE OKAY with it. 

So I just wanted to say that It’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay to feel the weight of the world and to sit in those feelings. It’s okay to have a bad day. It’s okay to feel like you’re not doing enough. Because you are. Because the days where I feel not okay, my kids ask me to lay on the floor with them and do a puzzle, or ride bikes or cuddle on the couch. And those are the only reminders I need to realize it’s okay. 

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  1. You are more than ok Liz- that cutie hubby and those gorgeous kids…that’s it.
    I love being a spectator in your journey on the person you are becoming and meant to be…seeing you reminds me of me.
    Now my 4 kids are in college, high school and middle school and I too had al the feels you are going through.
    It makes you the woman you are meant to be and best version of yourself for Dave and those 3 beautiful boys.
    If it doesn’t get done today- there’s always tomorrow. Give yourself a break.
    Love you and supporting you from afar! ❤️

  2. I have three sons (now aged 23,22 and 18) and I remember what you are experiencing. Now if you were to ask me about certain events when my boys were aged 5 and younger, I would draw a blank. I was in survival mode for a long time when the boys were little and you are right- it’s okay. They still remember me playing Lego’s with them or reading them books but they never say anything about me not cleaning the bathroom everyday! Hang in there because it really goes by fast.

  3. Thank you for sharing. Reading this brought tears to me eyes. This is absolutely something I needed to hear today as I stare at my living room cluttered with toys, dirty dishes in the sink, baskets of laundry to fold. Reading your blog and following you on Instagram is like getting advice and guidance from the sister I never had. So just thanks for being you.

  4. Needed this! In the past 6 months I had to step away from my corporate job due to burn out and a strain on my mental health. I never saw myself as a stay at home mom because my career and a highly intellectual to-do list always defined me. I am realizing after taking this time off that it’s OKAY not to be the most powerful or the most intelligent in a room full of people. I am making memories with my daughter that she will never forget and that means so much more than a fancy title and a big paycheck.
    I love following your journey because you are so real…you are a great mom and wife!!! Thank you!!

  5. I have two girls – almost 3 and almost 9 months and I never knew how much laundry there could be. Plus all the sickness autumn brings. We are always playing catch up, and then when we think we’re almost caught up, someone poops their pants, so more laundry. Anyway, I may be in London but I am right in the thick of this stage of life with you and it’s hard. Thanks for being a “mom friend” ❤️

  6. Needed this Liz, thank you. This month has been very much THIS, what you wrote. Hoping November is little less hectic.

  7. Thank you! I was feeling terrible as a mom last night. My youngest was mad that we didn’t participate in the “pumpkin decorated like a book character” project at school. But that was after he couldn’t decide on a character for weeks and then I spent everyday working on his Halloween costume (hardest one I’ve ever made!). But I also felt overwhelmed that the school had sooo many events and projects that it’s impossible to do them all.
    And then the icing on the cake is that I completely forgot to take my oldest to his last art class. He mentioned it two hours later by saying “Isn’t today Thursday??” I have no idea what I was thinking!!
    I woke up today thinking “today’s a new day!” And it’ll all be okay 😉

  8. My kids are 5,3 and 1. Sometimes it’s just enough to be a mom and everything else can wait. I also Work a little outside the home, I get it. Life is messy, beautiful and full. Keep being you Liz, enjoy following you

  9. Thank you. It’s easy to forget we are human and we can’t do it all. I’ll make sure to take a moment and just be today.

  10. Absolutely!!! Social media has us believing that we all can and should live perfectly curated lives always. Except when do we start LIVING while curating all that perfection?

  11. My kiddos are a little older than yours, however, like most moms, I put those same expectations on myself every day. And you are 100% right. It is ok to not be able to keep all the balls up in the air. Sometimes, something has to give.

    Whenever I feel overwhelmed and exhausted, I always try and remember one thing… if my life were to unexpectedly end tomorrow, would I care about the laundry, the messy house, those 15-20 lbs, the endless to-do list I didn’t accomplish??? Not a chance. All I would hold close to my heart is my husband, my kiddos, those times where I just spent my time doing that puzzle, cuddling on the couch or laying in bed taking to my kids. That’s the good stuff and that is what matters more than anything else. You are such a pleasure to watch and remember what we love about you the most is your relatability and reminding us, that we aren’t alone. Nothing is perfect. And that’s okay.

  12. I really needed this. I feel exactly the same way. Parenthood is so tough — the days are long but the years are short.

  13. This speaks to me today after a tough week. I have 3 kids and a 6 month old so I feel you. Always putting that performance pressure on ourselves to be all things to all people. Thank you for sharing this and making the rest of us that are just okay feel validated.

  14. This was the exact pep talk/reminder I needed after the last 2 days. You’re right – we are okay. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us.

  15. I needed this more than you’ll know. We moved on Monday, with a toddler and two week old. I feel like we are living in chaos and I’m drowning. I’ve had to repeat, it won’t be like this forever, more than I care to admit. Yet my toddler is living for all the empty boxes, when I’m able to actually empty some.

  16. So I have taken a break from Instagram but check your blog pretty much daily to see if there are any new posts. I will say I’m loving the break from Instagram and how I’ve gone back to check my favorite blogs vs being so consumed with Instagram overload. It’s almost like blog posts are just so much more fun to read when you aren’t on Instagram bc it isn’t an overload of information from so many sources. This post was so good and I loved reading it and resonating with it. Love your blog and all you share!

  17. Ahhhh Liz these are the posts that make you such a beautiful addition to the world of people who try to make it always look perfect. We are all just beautiful messes having really good and really bad days❤️Thank you for your honest vulnerability

  18. I appreciate the many bloggers who have voiced feelings of being overwhelmed, but I think you’re words here are the most honest and close to what I’m feeling that I’ve read. You’re right, I don’t want to go back to the pressures of pre-2020. Thank you for writing this.

  19. Yes to all of this! I feel this on so many levels and like you put the pressure on myself to be able to do it all and with perfection. Then I remember I have to make sure that I am taken care of so that I can take care of my girls and household.