Self Love over 4 years ago by Liz Adams

Finding Your Sense of Self

Shop the post: Everlane Silk Cotton Lantern Top (wearing a small), Denim Skirt (true to size), The Day Heel in Natural Suede (true to size), Day Market Tote in Light Taupe c/o Everlane

Shop the post: Everlane Silk Cotton Lantern Top (wearing a small), Denim Skirt (true to size), The Day Heel in Natural Suede (true to size), Day Market Tote in Light Taupe c/o Everlane

It’s funny to think about the Liz before I became a mom and the Liz now. Not that there is a huge difference in the person that I am but because my priorities, sense of self and general mindset on life are so different now. I don’t know if it is because I have two little humans to chase around or if time is more valuable but I feel like I’ve learned so much about myself over the past 4 years. I recently went back through some post suggestions you all submitted and one of them was about finding your sense of self outside of work, being a mom, partner, etc. And gosh, just typing that out makes you/us feel like we have so many jobs and only 24 hours in the day and it all just seems kind of daunting. But I think one major thing has happened to me since becoming a mom and that is a stronger sense of self confidence. This has ultimately given me the strength and confidence to turn down situations, people and things that 1. don’t make me happy or 2. I don’t want to do! Getting all of that negativity and fluff out of the way so I can focus on the things that DO make me happy (and maybe realizing what actually MAKES ME HAPPY) has been the most validating and uplifting change in my life. It’s also led me to see and be the person that I want to be! Society and social media puts all this pressure on you to be married and have kids or the job of your dreams and maybe own a house or for sure be paying off your credit card bill in full. But why? Is it really society or is it the effect that society has on us, trickling down to our own lives and our own insecurities? That’s where finding your sense of self is so important. 

But how do we get there? It doesn’t take having a baby. It’s just getting to a weak moment when you have no other choice but to give in to the person that you want/need to be! I’m going to explain how this happened to me. I work in social media. I post about my life every single day. Before I had kids my Instagram feed consisted of pretty lattes and peonies and the new designer handbag I just bought or a tiny corner of our apartment that I thought looked cute enough to post. It was exhausting—keeping up with the Joneses! That’s the problem with social media, it tends to remind us of what we don’t have so we have to publicly prove that, “This is what I do have! Wow isn’t it cool?!” It’s not. Fast forward nine months and I’m a new mom, exhausted, crying on the couch telling my husband how lonely I am, wearing mesh underwear, bleeding, trying to learn how to nurse a child, trying to cover my body because it was all mushy and all I saw on IG was the girl who loved motherhood, who just had a baby and looked like a model, who had the perfect home that would be more than I could ever dream of one day—but here I was, crying while I nursed my child at 3am and gazing out the window hoping to find another light on because that meant I wasn’t alone. For weeks and months after that I tried to keep up with the pretty Instagram photos that tricked everyone into believing that I was happy! Until one day I couldn’t do it anymore. So I stopped. And that’s the day I looked in the mirror, told myself out loud, “You can do this!” and I found my confidence, I found myself. I also found my purpose with sharing my life on the internets.

I’m crying typing that because it was such a hard time in my life. But I’m so so grateful for the change that it made for me! I know that a lot of you don’t post your life on Instagram the way that I do and that your moment of weakness will probably look very very different. But letting go of all the things that you feel like you should do and actually doing the things that you want to do, that make you happy, that you feel passionate about—that’s where you find your sense of self. It’s kind of like breaking through the walls to find who you’re truly meant to be. For me, that’s a mom. Not a travel blogger, not a Gucci clad fashionista, not an interior designer, and not all the images of a person that I thought I needed to be—just a mom who is behind on laundry, feeds her kids McDonalds, drinks too much wine and has dog hair in her mouth when she wakes up in the morning. My life isn’t perfect and sharing that has led me to find the most amazing friends on the internet, it has had the most positive effect on my marriage, it lets me put myself first sometimes and inspire other women to give themselves a break and do the same, and it has allowed me to take a deep breath and let go of all the bullshit. So although the old Liz was great, I like this version of me a lot more. 

How do you feel about these topics? A little too much or exactly what you need? I always hope that by sharing my experience it can help you too!

Also, side note: A huge thank you to Everlane for sponsoring this post. They didn’t sign up for this emotional story (ha!) but their pieces always make me feel confident and I can’t recommend their brand, their mission and just everything about them enough. Thanks for supporting my partners, too!

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  1. Thank you for sharing this! We are close to starting a family, and the pressure is already so high, I hope i can handle it half as well as you do! Please share more like this when you can 🙂

  2. Although I am not a mom, this post still resonated with me. I am 2 years out of college and thanks to social media I find myself comparing my life to others who are more “well off” or seem to have it all together. I often have to remind myself that I am still finding my passion and making a life of my own and sometimes it just takes time. 🙂

  3. I’m not a mom, not close to being a mom, and not sure if I ever will be. But reading this brought tears to my eyes. This topic really spans age and circumstances. What a wonderful “epiphany” you had. Getting older and looking back on moments in life is a really incredible experience. Go you (!) for being this person that you love.

  4. Great message! People at every age and stage of life can relate and benefit! Thanks for being you!

  5. This was great Liz and the “new” Liz/this very real person that shares her life on the internet is why I started following you again a few years ago. I loved that now you were being real with us because we get the highlight reel everywhere else. Thanks for being you!

  6. Truly just the post I needed to read. Yours is one of the few blogs I still visit and read daily, and this is why. I might have been one of the people to suggest that topic. I had my son (my first) a year ago, and 4 months later we moved away from SF back to the CA foothills where I grew up. I thought the transition would be a piece of cake. It turns out it rocked me completely, almost a year later and I’m still trying to figure it out. Who am I in this “new” place and as a mother and wife? But, thank you for this so I know I am not alone. It’s also inspiring to see that hopefully I can pull myself out of it. Love your blog and this content.

  7. I’m not one to usually put myself out there like this but after reading this blog post, I had to say thank you! This is exactly what I needed to read. I’m a new mom and I am struggling to find my sense of self after having my daughter. And somehow I feel guilty even saying it, if that makes sense! While I adore my daughter, it has been hard adjusting to this new version of me and it can be hard to not compare myself to other moms, or who I was before to who I am now. All while trying to be perfect. It does help a lot to hear I am not the only one and this is a great reminder that it is ok to let go, that I can embrace the chaos and uncertainty and find myself in this. Thank you for putting yourself out there and encouraging others, myself included, to do as well. xx

  8. Love this! This is why I love your blog. I have two littles and am 33 as well and just totally relate. So wonderful to know we’re not in this alone.

  9. Love this post too much. THIS is exactly why I follow you–for the real stuff, not the pretty, unrelatable stuff (although that content is nice too). One day on your Insta story you were talking about unfollowing people who didn’t make you happy. So I did just that, and I’ve never looked back or felt better about scrolling through Instagram. Thank you for what you bring to this little part of the internet!

  10. I had a very similar experience post partum! Loved reading this and important to know you are not alone!

  11. I think we are all looking for more “real” in ourselves and others. Thanks for posting this and cheers to more real for all of us!!!!

  12. I have (quietly) followed you since before you had kids and I have to say I LOVE the turn your blog has taken. It is reminiscent to me of the old days of blogs when they were fun and real to read — not just stylized ads and glossies. So, I appreciate it and you!

  13. First, you are incredible for sharing all this and being so real with us. Thank you for that! Second, I just love ya! Third, I have this top and can second is it a great one. Just received it in white but thinking I need blue now as well. Love how you styled it with this skirt + day heel!

    xo Laura Leigh