Last week, instead of our weekly Cooking with Liz IG LIVE we did a little Q+A with Liz and Dave. It was hilarious! I feel like I still am learning so much about my silly, handsome hubby. He definitely makes life fun! After our Q+A we got so many questions about our relationship so I thought it would be fun to post the video here and also answer a few of our questions from Instagram. Here are some of the most asked questions…
What is the most common thing you disagree or argue about?
We don’t really argue that much but if we do it’s about who is on the phone too much in front of the kids, me shopping at Whole Foods and Dave says “two days leading into my period and three days during it new rules come in to play that make no sense and then it passes and everything is back to normal.” Hahaha.
Does financial stuff ever stress you guys out and if so, how do you deal with it?
It used to! Especially when I tried to hide everything from Dave. Now that we are open and honest about it we are both way more understanding. Life with kids is expensive! And individually, Dave and I choose to spend money in different ways. For example, he plays golf with his buddies and I buy nice bottles of wine and clothes. Dave is way more in control of our finances. He has a spreadsheet with a complete list of everything we pay out every month (mortgage, insurance, daycare, car payment, credit cards, investments, etc.) and he also gets alerts on his phone whenever I spend more than $100 (= wtf). Dave now has passwords to all of my banking (for my business, he can see our personal) and usually does my transfers and taxes so I just let him check in on everything! It has made life sooo much easier. My biggest suggestion would just to be honest! I used to be TERRIBLE with money – never paid my credit cards on time, never balanced my checking account (this was back when people were still writing checks), never checked my statements – just so so reckless. Dave has made me so much more responsible and aware of my money and now I’m so protective of where it goes. It does stress us out but we try to be as aware and in control and responsible as possible!
Best advice for a single girl looking for her “Dave?”
Love this! I would say have fun. Don’t put too much pressure on the situation and don’t pass judgement. Be open minded! You miss out on so many amazing people when you keep your standards too high. Haha, not that Dave didn’t pass my high expectations (he did) but young Liz would have really judged the bootcut jeans he was wearing on our first date. I let them slide. People will surprise you!
How do you both find time to work out and stay physically healthy with two toddlers?
I would say we just make sure to make it a priority. It isn’t an effort now, it’s just something that we do individually and as a family. Now on the weekends Charlie yells “mom let’s go to the gym!” I will say our weekday schedules allow for more availability to work out since we both work for ourselves BUT regardless, it is a task on our to-do list. Don’t let having kids be your excuse, let them be a part of it! Whether you’re running with them outdoors or putting them in the gym daycare – just do it!
How do you balance your individual professional goals and support one another?
I think we are both very understanding of the entrepreneurial lifestyle. I also think that Hello Adams Family has become such a big part of our lives that it’s just kind of how we roll! Dave’s business pretty much runs itself although he still works full time on it every day. But because our professional businesses/goals never really go to sleep, we just kind of keep pushing forward. Dave is way more a part of my business than I am of his. He has business partners and he has always kind of been mine. I think my goals sort of involve Dave so they are more inclusive of him. Overall, these business are our lives! They support our family, pay for our health insurance, pay for a roof over our heads – so all we know is to support each other and keep moving forward!
Does anyone ever mistake you two for brother and sister?
Haha, yes! People have always told us we look alike.
Did having kids change your relationship? Any advice on not fighting when you have lack of sleep and frustration due to kids?
Yes of course! You are never prepared for the life change that comes from having kids! I think taking a deep breath and reminding yourself that you’re both going through this uncomfortable stage of uncertainty is important. I personally think it is hard in this day and age to scroll through social media and feel like everyone is owning parenthood when you feel the exact opposite. Try to have blinders on. Remember that no one’s life is perfect and that one day everything clicks and you’ll feel like you’re doing something right. Dave and I had a rough transition into parenthood but I think it’s because I was way too controlling of the situation when in reality I had no idea what the heck was going on. Give you and your spouse some grace. You’re each doing the best that you can every single day.
How do you handle giving each other time away without resentment?
Ugh resentment sucks. I feel it way more than Dave and Dave is always encouraging me to go, go, go! I think as you become a seasoned parent, you realize how important it is to get time away. I use to keep tally of this and now we both have pretty equal amounts of time away. I need to be better about making time for my friends because most of my time away seems to be work related where Dave is so good about making plans with his buddies. Don’t keep score. Just don’t. It’s not worth it in the long run, it means nothing. You both are amazing parents and you both deserve time away!
Do you feel like you carry most of the “emotional labor” as the wife/mom?
Oh my gosh yes. Things that stress/worry me aren’t even a thought in Dave’s mind! I always go to Dave with the most ridiculous “what if” stories and he always tells me to calm down. As a mom, you’re always worried about every scenario and I think that is a huge stress in my day-to-day. For example, the process I go through to get my kid’s rooms ready for bed – essential oils, perfect blanket placement, cuddles, songs – in my mind every single step is so important and if I miss it they aren’t going to sleep well and it’s all my fault. I guarantee Dave does half the things I do at night and they sleep like babies. I think I’m 90% to blame for the “emotional labor” but it’s part of the role as mom.
What are your enneagram numbers?
I’m a 2 wing 3 and Dave has never taken it! I’ll have him do it and report back.
How do you all manage schedules?
Dave and I invite each other to all family tasks within our separate Google Calendars. My Hello Adams Family calendar basically holds my entire life for everything and Dave is invited to everything that involves our kids/family.
How do you balance spending time with your family vs. his?
I think this question is hard because 1. my parents live in our town and my sister is a few towns away so we obviously see them a lot and 2. Dave’s parents are separated and his family is a little more spread out in Michigan. I would say we typically see Dave’s family every 2-3 months (whether we go to Michigan or someone comes to visit!). Dave’s brother lives in Denver with his wife and our nephew, Henry! They are expecting another baby boy any day! His wife (hi Meg!) is a transplant surgeon (aka BADASS) and it is tough for her to get away with her crazy schedule. Sadly we don’t get to see them as often but we will this summer – yay! We always split holidays and if we miss one family member we plan a weekend with another. I know it looks like we see my family a lot (which we do!) but it’s because they are literally a mile away and since they are my family I don’t feel bad about sharing them on social – ha. When we are with Dave’s family, I’m not on my phone as much because it’s nice to just be with them since we don’t see them as often. Also, tell me if you feel this way, but I generally think that girls gravitate more towards their own families. Like we live where we do because I wanted to be near my family where Dave didn’t really have a preference. Do you find that to be true in your relationships? I’d love to hear!
How do you handle stress in your marriage/resolve fights?
Dave and I HATE fighting. We don’t fight often but when we do, we are both stubborn and determined to get our points across. But we always resolve things quickly. We hate having the elephant in the room after a fight! Especially with kids and now that Charlie can tell when things are wrong. You realize how hard those things are on kids! We never fight in front of them but that doesn’t mean that they still can’t pick up on the uncomfortableness. Make up quickly, don’t keep score, separate yourself if needed and remember that you’re on the same team!
How did you know each other was the one?
We were obsessed with each other immediately. Kind of in our own world. Inseparable. I mentioned this in our video but Dave traveled 3 weeks out of the month for the first almost year that we dated. I think we learned so much about each other because we were forced to talk on the phone all the time. I remember feeling constant butterflies for a good 6 months. Find someone who makes you laugh. Life is so so much better because Dave is so fricking funny and light hearted. He is the best thing that ever walked into my life. Ever!
How did you know you were ready to have kids?
I wouldn’t say we ever felt ready! But we dated for 4 years before we got engaged and then married just after 5 years of dating. We had traveled together, lived together and we didn’t feel like there was much left in between being together and being parents. However, we actually got pregnant on our honeymoon (I think) and ended up having a miscarriage at 7 weeks – before we had Charlie. I think the excitement and shock followed by disappointment and sadness really made us realize that we were ready to become parents.
You can watch our Q+A here!