In the last 15 weeks it is no secret that my life has drastically changed. I’ve touched on motherhood here and here but there is so much more to my life now. Change can be tough, especially for someone who can 100% confirm that she doesn’t like to be pushed outside of her comfort zone. I like to be in control and if I’ve learned anything it is that Charlie does not give a shit about me having control. He runs my world now.
When I was 3 months pregnant one of my best friends, Emily of Isn’t That Charming, had just given birth to her baby girl, Grace. I came over to spend the day with her and pick her brain about EVERYTHING. Labor, breastfeeding, blogging, happiness levels, relationships, love. I knew I was excited about becoming a mom but I needed someone to give me the reality of it all. Emily is the best person when you’re in need of a good girlfriend chat session – she is honest, provides positive feedback and doesn’t sugar coat things, plus she without a doubt has the kindest heart of anyone I know. I remember leaving her house feeling relieved and now that I am a mom myself I am comforted knowing that other people experienced the same emotions. It’s funny – you can read all the books, blogs, internet articles – no one tells you what you need to know like a good friend.
One of the biggest topics we discussed was being prepared for the amount of love you would have for your baby. We both agreed that it was hard to connect with our babies when they were in our tummies. I’ve touched on this before but I quickly realized that I wasn’t as prepared to be a mom as I thought I would be. This was probably my biggest hurdle the first 6 weeks. I really missed life before baby and couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel where life before baby and life after could come together. Luckily at 6 weeks everything changed, Charlie started noticing us more, smiling and my love for him grew overnight. Now I get these incredible shivers of undying love and obsession for him on a daily basis. It’s the best.
My love for Charlie overpowers everything these days and the biggest change and challenge has been with my work. I’ve gotten a ton of questions from readers asking how I manage my work these days and I hate to say it but I kind of don’t. I’m really flying by the seat of my pants, trying my best to get content up and keep you guys coming back! I finally upgraded my camera before Charlie was born, knowing that I would need Dave to step up as photographer so that I could have content more readily available. However, time is not on my side these days (and sleep is more important!).
The problem is that nothing seems to be as important as Charlie’s happiness. I feel guilty when I lay him down to play and I sit and stare at a computer when I should be looking at and savoring him. When he sleeps, I rush to either get a workout in at home and shower, clean up our place or just catch up on emails. It’s a struggle that I’m sure I’ll find some balance to eventually but for now I’m okay with this schedule. If it means that I get to spend as much time with Charlie as I please, then that is fine by me. I know I am so incredibly fortunate that I get to work from home and be with Charlie – there is no complaining here.
Ultimately being a mom feels like such a gift. I have cried more in the last 15 weeks than I have in my life. My emotions run wild when I read a story about other moms struggling, children getting sick, death – everything. I remember a few weeks after having Charlie, I posted on my instagram that I was having a bad day and a reader commented “the days are long but the years are short,” and it has resonated with me ever since. Life is so fleeting. There are so many distractions these days and I have to thank motherhood for allowing me to take a step back, relinquish control, give up my phone and savor my family.
I hope that each and every one of you has the opportunity to feel the overwhelming amount of purpose being a mom gives you. Living for another person is incredibly fulfilling and gives a different meaning to the things you do in life. It heightens every feeling of love you’ve ever had and makes you look at things, people and situations with more compassion. My new life is everything I hoped it would be and more, a new normal and a new beginning that I’m so grateful for.
As always, if you have any questions feel free to leave them in the comments or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. Thanks for all of your support, always! xo