Loeffler Randall Sweater, The Great Skirt, Everlane Sneakers
Every time I mention on social media that I feel insecure or talk about the fact that my clothes don’t ft or that I’m struggling with body image you all tell me to chill out. To give myself grace, to not have such high expectations – basically to just STFU, ha. Honestly, I’m sure it’s annoying. I’m annoying myself but regardless, it’s how I feel.
I don’t feel like myself right now. I want to say it’s because my clothes don’t fit but I think it’s beyond that. My identity is changing a little bit. Not myself, not my personality, but my whole entire life is shifting into this new environment. I miss my fiends, I miss my family, I miss our pediatrician and our daycare. I miss our routine and the comfort of our routine. I feel like I’m very aware that we are fish out of water right now and I want everyone to settle in and not feel like we are the new kids on the block.
Let me also say that I think this move is one of the best decisions we have ever made. I wake up every morning and can’t believe how lucky we are to live near the beach and in this beautiful city. I already have friends here who I adore and that settled feeling will come. Our home is starting to look and feel like ours and in general I’m just so happy to envision our lives in here in the years to come.
But I’m also feeling insecure lately. My clothes don’t fit, my body doesn’t belong to me right now. I miss my sense of freedom.
I’m so grateful for the moments away, feeding and cuddling with George. Our moments of reprieve where we get to stare into each others eyes and smile and love on each other. Those moments are really the only thing that have gotten me through the move I think. It created calm in a time that was so chaotic. I’m so grateful for George. My little saving grace!
So here I am. I look at these photos and I see insecurity and discomfort. But I also want to remember the first time I got dressed for myself in awhile. So it got me thinking about self confidence and self love and that is something that I want this space to promote. I also want it to encourage honesty and remind you that it is okay to be in your feelings. I don’t need anyone to tell me to “give yourself grace!” or “you just had a baby!” Because I know. I also know that this is how I feel so I’m telling you because you’re my friends.
Body image is a tricky subject. I never worked out or lost weight for the number on the scale (as an adult). It was strictly for my own mental health – the fact that my clothes fit was a perk. I miss my clothes. I’m really pissed that I’m still wearing leggings. I’m ready to feel like myself again.
Anyways, I just wanted to tell you. I (we) have a lot going on. I’m transitioning. I forget what I used to talk about, I forget what you guys find interesting about me! I am out of my comfort zone. I’m trying to figure things out. I know I’ll get back there 🙂