Shop the post:
Sundry Lips Tee (sold out, similar here and here), Anthropologie Wide Leg Pants (almost sold out, also love these and these), Karen Walker Sunnies, Mystique Sandals (run TTS)
Becoming a mom has come with a plethora of emotions. Confidence, loneliness, resentment, insecurity, confusion, pure joy, anger and so much more. If you’ve been a reader for awhile you may remember my posts from when I had just had Charlie and my struggle with motherhood. It’s amazing to think about how far I’ve come since those moments of darkness. If motherhood has taught me anything it is that I am so much stronger than I ever thought possible.
With Jack’s arrival I fully anticipated being a hot mess again. Not only are your hormones raging but exhaustion is real and I’m always the one who tries to balance it all and fails miserably. Much to my surprise, I have enjoyed every minute of motherhood with two. Yes some days are tough and when both are crying I kind of want to pull my hair out but it really is no where near as tough as I thought it would be (more on the transition in a future post!).
For someone who has always (and usually still does) tried to control everything, motherhood has taught me to chill the f out. I think ultimately you learn to prioritize what is best for your kids and most of the time that means giving up whatever you want to do to dedicate time to them. Cleaning up the house, exercising, taking a nap, responding to emails – everything takes a back seat to attending to my boys. I can no longer plan my day because I’ll just be disappointed by the lack of what actually gets accomplished. Instead I let Charlie take the wheel and we go. And in all honesty, coming to terms with this change in control has made me a much happier person.
I was thinking about this concept the other day and how in the world of social media it often feels like everyone else is doing something cooler than you. How does this cute 28 year old girl get to travel the world while I’m topless, nursing one child while the other is smearing peanut butter all over the couch? How does she get to buy the expensive bag and meet girlfriends for drinks every night and have perfect hair and flawless outfits and the best body? I remember scrolling through Instagram right after having Charlie and feeling BLUE about all of the lives that seemed so perfectly put together and feeling like I was stuck. It’s the downside of this world of social media, the need for perfection, the need to be “liked” (literally). If I’m going to dedicate time to social media, I want it to inspire me, ignite my own creativity and genuinely make me happy! I find myself unfollowing so many accounts that make me feel like my life isn’t good enough.
There is a weird emotional rollercoaster that I found myself on while I was pregnant and then not pregnant. I love/d my pregnant body! I honestly have never felt more comfortable in my own skin than when I was pregnant (well lets say up until 37/38 weeks). Bring on all of the tight clothes! Then you’re not pregnant anymore and your boobs fill up with milk and you’re sweaty and your skin is sagging and your abs are gone and everything is soft and your clothes don’t fit and you’re always topless and nothing feels attractive anymore. It’s rough. BUT, something changed after having Jack. All of sudden I would look at my two beautiful boys and think to myself DAMN GIRL, you killed it.
So, so what if I have 10 more pounds to lose! and so what if I ordered those jeans because they look great on one blogger but TERRIBLE on me! and so what if my body looks different for now! My life is so much more full and I’m so proud of that.
I’ve rambled but I guess I wanted this post to serve as a reminder that 6.75 days of the week, my life is not instagrammable. It is greasy hair, spit up on my shoulder, tight jeans, muffin tops, leaky boobs, messy kitchen and I love it.