Motherhood 9 months ago by Liz Adams

How Motherhood Has Taught Me The Importance of Self Love

Shop the post:
Sundry Lips Tee (sold out, similar here and here), Anthropologie Wide Leg Pants (almost sold out, also love these and these), Karen Walker Sunnies, Mystique Sandals (run TTS)

Becoming a mom has come with a plethora of emotions. Confidence, loneliness, resentment, insecurity, confusion, pure joy, anger and so much more. If you’ve been a reader for awhile you may remember my posts from when I had just had Charlie and my struggle with motherhood. It’s amazing to think about how far I’ve come since those moments of darkness. If motherhood has taught me anything it is that I am so much stronger than I ever thought possible. 

With Jack’s arrival I fully anticipated being a hot mess again. Not only are your hormones raging but exhaustion is real and I’m always the one who tries to balance it all and fails miserably. Much to my surprise, I have enjoyed every minute of motherhood with two. Yes some days are tough and when both are crying I kind of want to pull my hair out but it really is no where near as tough as I thought it would be (more on the transition in a future post!). 

For someone who has always (and usually still does) tried to control everything, motherhood has taught me to chill the f out. I think ultimately you learn to prioritize what is best for your kids and most of the time that means giving up whatever you want to do to dedicate time to them. Cleaning up the house, exercising, taking a nap, responding to emails – everything takes a back seat to attending to my boys. I can no longer plan my day because I’ll just be disappointed by the lack of what actually gets accomplished. Instead I let Charlie take the wheel and we go. And in all honesty, coming to terms with this change in control has made me a much happier person.

I was thinking about this concept the other day and how in the world of social media it often feels like everyone else is doing something cooler than you. How does this cute 28 year old girl get to travel the world while I’m topless, nursing one child while the other is smearing peanut butter all over the couch? How does she get to buy the expensive bag and meet girlfriends for drinks every night and have perfect hair and flawless outfits and the best body? I remember scrolling through Instagram right after having Charlie and feeling BLUE about all of the lives that seemed so perfectly put together and feeling like I was stuck. It’s the downside of this world of social media, the need for perfection, the need to be “liked” (literally). If I’m going to dedicate time to social media, I want it to inspire me, ignite my own creativity and genuinely make me happy! I find myself unfollowing so many accounts that make me feel like my life isn’t good enough.

There is a weird emotional rollercoaster that I found myself on while I was pregnant and then not pregnant. I love/d my pregnant body! I honestly have never felt more comfortable in my own skin than when I was pregnant (well lets say up until 37/38 weeks). Bring on all of the tight clothes! Then you’re not pregnant anymore and your boobs fill up with milk and you’re sweaty and your skin is sagging and your abs are gone and everything is soft and your clothes don’t fit and you’re always topless and nothing feels attractive anymore. It’s rough. BUT, something changed after having Jack. All of sudden I would look at my two beautiful boys and think to myself DAMN GIRL, you killed it. 

So, so what if I have 10 more pounds to lose! and so what if I ordered those jeans because they look great on one blogger but TERRIBLE on me! and so what if my body looks different for now! My life is so much more full and I’m so proud of that.

I’ve rambled but I guess I wanted this post to serve as a reminder that 6.75 days of the week, my life is not instagrammable. It is greasy hair, spit up on my shoulder, tight jeans, muffin tops, leaky boobs, messy kitchen and I love it. 

xoxo

Shop the post:
Sundry Lips Tee (sold out, similar here and here), Anthropologie Wide Leg Pants (almost sold out, also love these and these), Karen Walker Sunnies, Mystique Sandals (run TTS)

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  1. Liz, I love this post! While I haven’t been pregnant and don’t have children, I can definitely relate to your feelings when you scroll through Instagram. Love your honesty and also so happy to see what a positive place you’re in!

  2. I truly love this post, Liz. I’m not yet a mother myself but your words still resonate with me. We all have different journeys and missions in life. What we do isn’t going to look the same as everyone else but its important that we are still proud of what we are accomplishing and working towards. Thanks for that reminder!

    Taylor | http://www.livingtaylored.com

  3. I love this post Liz! It is such a great reminder that life isn’t perfect but it is perfectly awesome. Ever since I had a major health change in my life, I constantly envied other people. But the truth is that IG is just a highlight of someone’s life. The best part of life is actually living it!

    http://www.rdsobsessions.com

  4. THIS is why you’re one of the few blogs I still take the time to read, 2 babies later! I used to have a list of blogs I’d check everyday for “inspiration” – but after 2 kids I no longer have the time. More importantly, when I do have time I want to look at things that make me feel happy, not shitty, about my real mom life. You are SUCH a breath of fresh air! Thanks for always keeping it real on social media, and for still keeping things inspirational for this mama of 2 😉

    1. I couldn’t agree with this more so I thought I’d second it instead of repeating it verbatim. This Momma of 3 agrees!

    2. Yes to this!! Pseudo-perfect instgramners are boring, make you feel bad, and a dime a dozen. Liz you are the best because you keep it real!

  5. I just love you girl- you’re so raw and it’s awesome and refreshing to read your posts. I also love your “real-life” insta stories because life isn’t perfect, but that’s what makes it the best 🙂

  6. I’m sitting here crying as I read this. You nailed it. I am also a mother of two boys. Thanks for reminding me to lighten up and be proud of the two beautiful boys that this imperfect body created (with some help 🙂
    Thanks for keeping it real and keeping us all grounded.

    1. Same here, crying mixed emotions tears at the joy and craziness of motherhood. That last paragraph is all I needed today. <3

  7. Sophia Amaruso from Girlboss says it best “Don’t compare your hustle to their highlight reel.”

    So refreshing, Liz! Sometimes I feel like my morning coffee and my afternoon tea are the highlights of a crazy day. And that’s ok!

  8. I completely agree with Taylor, this post is amazing and a helpful reminder for all women to focus on what makes you beautiful not how you compare to everyone you see in social media. One instagram that I love to follow is floretflower, flowers make me so happy and I love seeing their posts each day <3

  9. I like this post but at the same time you have to remember that even though you try to ״keep it real” your life still looks very cushy to a lot of your readers, in that, you obviously can afford to get childcare and do almost daily trips to the gym, you can afford to be doing a kitchen and bathroom renovation in your home, and can afford to buy tons of new clothes, shoes and bags whenever you want. A lot of us are on tight budgets after having kids and don’t have the luxury to do any of these things. Not to mention all the free stuff you get. I’m not trying to be mean or bash you in any way. Just a reminder that for a lot of us with tight budgets we are trying to raise kids while worrying about paying for groceries and the mortgage, which is really stressful, so even ordering clothes for ourselves is a luxury, let alone being stressed out that they don’t fit.

    1. I feel the same when looking at the Insta Stories. You definitely live a very, very nice life. I don’t think most 30 yr old women can relate to the stay at home, still go to daycare, constantly showing new clothes, complaining about 10lbs when you say you weigh 132 and vacations like Denver, Florida and Turks & Caicos. You definitely are very blessed!

      1. I agree! I am not complaining about my life one bit. Just trying to generalize my feelings after becoming a mom. The fact that I can stay at home and send Charlie to daycare is because I have to work my butt off to support my family at the same time. I don’t just get to be a mom. It’s all different to everyone 🙂

    2. We are on a tight budget too! But remember that I don’t just get to be a mom. I’m working 12 hours a day AND staying home with my kids. I agree that there are benefits to the profession that I am in. This post was solely meant to discuss what I’ve learned about myself since becoming a mom. Wherever and whatever stage your life is in – with our without children, professionally, etc. We all need to practice more self love because we are all doing the very best we can for our families. xoxo

  10. Thank you for this post Liz!! I’ve been following you for probably about three years and one of the main reasons I continue to follow you is because how REAL you are. I feel that I can actually relate to you and I really appreciate the honesty behind this post. Glad that you are embracing motherhood 🙂

  11. Hi Liz!! I loved this longer post of yours, it was so insightful and definitely relatable! Your boys are the cutest!

  12. Such a breath of fresh air to hear someone acknowledging that those new mama tight jeans and muffin top are real – and that life with them is so much richer because of those sweet babies! Thank you for being so real and for the reminder that I’m not alone!

  13. Thank you for this!! Social media can cause such anxiety for me – how am I the only one sitting on my couch on a Friday night!? Now being pregnant, I already feel a sense of “comparison” to all the cute, fit, healthy pregnant moms on Instagram. Reading this puts it in perspective and helps me remember what reality truly is. And, you are killing it!!

  14. Oh how I wish I had the same outlook on 2 kids. Honestly, it’s kicked my ass for the past 18 months. I can’t let go of the clean house and with an almost 3 year old and 1.5 year old, can’t get on the same page about discipline. I’m more laid back and my partner wants to set stronger boundaries. Honestly, I get tired of saying no all day long! My new mantra should be to embrace the chaos!

  15. Thank you for this post. I had my second baby 3 weeks ago and I have to admit it’s been harder than I thought, but defintely not as hard as when I had my first. You’ve been an inspiration to me in the rough moments, thank you!

  16. Damn girl, you are killing it! Your perspective is so refreshing. I’m only a mom of one (almost 17 month old boy) but I need to take a few hints from this haha. Thanks for sharing!

  17. Thanks for sharing! I just had my first boy almost 7 weeks ago and the emotional/physical rollercoaster is REAL. I’ve gone 34 years being “selfish” and it’s been a real adjustment now that my wants/needs are on the back burner. No designer duds or luxurious vacations for me these days… I’ve traded that for spit up, blow outs, leaking boobs, and sleep deprivation. It’s nice to hear that I’m not the only one struggling through new mom life and to know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Please keep sharing real mom talk… totally appreciate it! Xoxo

  18. I just love this post so much! Having a little one is a surprise and a struggle but oh my gosh such a joy. We’re eager for #2, but I’d be lying if I said I am a bit terrified of the whole new baby process again. Posts like this help me feel normal and very blessed to be in the mama club with ladies like you! Cheers Mama, you’re rocking it! – @erinnicolep

  19. As a new mom to a 6 week old, this post was so refreshing for me to read! Thank you for keeping it real and reminding me that I’m not the only woman to have some of those feelings.

  20. Thank you so much for this post! I am a new mother and I LOVE it. But I can relate to you 100%. I love your new outlook and I’m going to read this post whenever I feel low. Some things are more important than fitting into those jeans, feeling skinny or the new thing to buy. 😘

  21. Thank you for this amazingly honest and beautiful post. Looking forward to more content from you as a mama, fashion inspiration and great blogger! (I will be a mom of 2 boys come Sept of this year and I’m anticipating the mess & fun!)

  22. You ARE killing it, you look amazing and isn’t it amazing how our self love grows through stages in life? I’m not a mom yet, but there’s nothing more beautiful and feminine and strong than a woman who’s a mom. It’s such a beautiful and FULL role and seeing the REAL is so much more inspiring than posed/fantasty instagram accounts! Go mama!

  23. I am a new mom just back at work and your blog couldn’t be truer. My daughter has taught me to prioritize things, leave lists behind (which is a big deal for me) and just enjoy every minute because it just goes by to quickly. As for body image, just like you I never felt more comfortable than when I was pregnant. I definitely rocked a few tight dresses! Now, I am learning to embrace my new body and be gentle with myself. Thank you for sharing your experience.

  24. No rambling Liz, this post is incredible and such an amazing reminder to me! Baby #2 is only a few months away now and this is a great reminder for me. It truly is the best thing ever even in the hardest of hard moments!

  25. Thank you for being real! I have a 2 year old and am due with my second in August, and I’ve been preparing to be a hot mess again 😂. Your words of encouragement mean so much!

  26. I can’t totally relate to this because I’m not a mother, but damn, I loved reading it! It’s so great to see you’re feeling great and proud of yourself. And social media is for sure just an extremely edited version of everyone’s lives…so kudos to you for always remaining true to yourself when you post — that’s why I keep following along!

    The Champagne Edit

  27. Thank you so much for this post! As a new mom, your blog and Instagram have been a lifeline to me (my son Colin was born the day before Jack!). Recently, I’ve been feeling sad for all the reasons you listed in the post and just generally feeling like a failure at finding some semblance of balance. Your post served as a reminder to let some things go and enjoy this amazing life with my little guy.

  28. Liz, First time commenter and I must say, kudos on this post. SO real and exactly what I needed to read today. I have a 19 month old and I am expecting another boy in 2 months. I’m nervous for the newborn stage again but it is so refreshing to hear your experience. I too hope that I can just let it go/unfollow and let life happen. Leaky boobs and all! Keep up the realness sister!

  29. Beautiful message! Thanks for your honest writing and allowing us into your life to encourage others. Such a good blog post too as I wonder what to expect as I hope for a baby #2. 🙂

  30. Thank you for such a refreshing post! This post is so real and genuine and also gave me a mom-boost when I really needed one! Mommin’ ain’t easy, but it’s so worth it. XO!

  31. Liz! Love love love this post. I just gave birth to my second boy a week and a half ago. I so appreciate the realness you bring and always enjoy your posts and stories. Thanks for sharing your perspective!

  32. This is exactly what I needed to read! My daughter is turning one next week, and she is the greatest gift I’ve ever been given! But good golly, being a mama is hard work, and there are so many people out there that make you seem like if you don’t have it together that you’re failing. Thank you for being honest and real! You are beautiful inside and out, and I appreciate your words!!

    Thank you,
    MM

  33. Liz, this is by far my favorite post EVER. You nailed it. I’ve felt every single emotion and share a similar “want to control it all” approach. Mothering is such a reality check and honestly it has taken me a long time to realize, accept and appreciate this current phase of my life. Thank you, thank you and THANK YOU for this post! I hope any soon-to-be, new mom or mom of two is reading this and realizes she is in good company.

  34. “DAMN GIRL, you killed it.” –> best line ever! I am going to (respectfully 😉 ) steal this and use it to encourage all my mom friends… and myself! I am 4 months postpartum and can relate to so much of what you wrote. I’ve been visiting your blog for years, and this might be my favorite post of yours. You go, Momma!

  35. Thanks for this, lady! My first, also Jack, is 9 weeks and it’s been a wild ride. I really appreciate this perspective.

  36. Hi Liz,
    I love reading this post as both my kids are around the same age as yours give or take a few months (27 months and a newborn). The first baby was incredibly difficult for me letting go of what my routine used to be and just going with my son’s sleep schedule and activities. The second time I was expecting the worst with 2 kids plus the hormones and I feel so much better and more confident in my abilities to be a good mom. My kids are happy and healthy and I too could not care if my clothes are dirty and I am still wearing my hair up in a messy ponytail. However, I somehow feel slightly different about Instagram. I love to follow those beautiful mothers or fashion influencers as they make me dream and motivate me to dress up and take nice pictures too. I love fashion so it helps me to stay in the loop in the midst of breastfeeding session or while my son is napping.

    It was fun to read your post, it made me laugh as yes I can relate to a lot of things. These posts helps us mothers to know that we are normal and most mothers are also experiencing similar routines with 2 kids.

    http://www.citruslove.com

  37. Yes to everything with this post!! I’m a (relatively) new momma of 1 and I feel like you’ve summed up all of my feelings into such a great post! Definitely a great pick me up for the day! Thanks Liz!

  38. Love! Exactly how I felt with two, having peas in my hair and all over the shoulder of the cute romper I had on (trying to look cute). But my heart felt so full!

  39. I absolutely love this post!! I can relate to your situation almost exactly. I have a 3 year old and a 5 month old (both boys) and have found doing a digital detox every now and then is so worth it! I feel like such a crappy mom on days when I get sucked into the black hole of social media! I always see parents at the park glued to their cell phones when their child is playing. It makes me so sad and I strive to never be that parent! Thank you for sharing the raw and real side of motherhood. I love your blog!

    P.S. I used to live in South Loop and now have moved to Glenview, IL. I’m not sure what suburb you moved to, but although I love our house, I miss the city soooo much!

  40. Liz,
    You are one of the few inspiring and uplifting bloggers/Instagram accounts! Thank you for your genuine perspective.

  41. YES! Thank you Liz, you put it so wonderfully! I love following your life and so often think, “yes, me too!” My little guy is 14 months and I just had a similar conversation with my husband. It’s amazing how much more relaxed I am now that I have a baby. I mean I’m still a recovering perfectionist but I give myself so much more grace now that I’m a mom.

  42. This post is so real yet inspiring at the same time – thank you for this and for sharing even the not-so-instagramable moments with your readers!