Wednesday, October 28th marked one month with Charlie. This has probably been one of the hardest and most rewarding months of my life…

Charlie is perfect. He has the sweetest little personality, he makes the cutest grunts when he sleeps, he LOVES his hands, he has the chubbiest double chin, he like to eat every 2 hours, he loves to sleep all morning and stay up until midnight and he loves the sound of his parent’s voices – which makes my heart happy. We can’t quite tell who he looks like yet, we will see.

The first two weeks of motherhood were rough. Having a child is without a doubt the biggest life change and I don’t know if you are ever really prepared. I for one definitely was not. I have always known that I wanted to be a mom and I’ve always been very maternal to family and friends but I don’t think it is possible to step into the mom role as soon as your child comes into the world. I cried when they laid Charlie on my chest and was so happy to hold him in my arms but I had absolutely no idea who he was, what his cries mean’t, how to feed him or how to console him. I was completely overwhelmed.

When we got home I felt sad. I felt guilty for missing the quiet days of just Webster, Dave and I, I felt exhausted, I physically felt beat up and I felt lonely. Dave and I would be sitting on the couch and I would just start crying – telling him that I felt alone and he assured me that I (literally) was not. The first morning we woke up I forgot to feed Webster and cried for half of the day. I’ll blame the hormones and exhaustion for a lot of these feelings but they didn’t go away until 2.5 weeks.

The exhaustion you guys. It’s brutal. I’ve never known such intense levels of sleepiness. One night after Charlie didn’t go to sleep until 5am, cried for 3 hours straight with no chance of consoling him and pooped literally all over me – I sat in the shower and sobbed. My mom told me that day that I had to look past the cries being sad and realize that they are just a form of communication. The next day I woke up, brushed my teeth, looked in the mirror and told myself outloud “you can do this” and I’ve loved every second of motherhood since.

I swear a lot of it is mental. Charlie 100% reacts to my stress levels. Thank god for my completely laid back husband who can console Charlie just by breathing. Dave has been the most amazing support system and dad. It’s a role that he was born to play and I feel so lucky I get to experience this crazy, emotional, intense and insanely wonderful adventure with him.

Here are a few other details of motherhood thus far:

Breastfeeding: The first week sucked. I told the nurses in the hospital that I can 100% understand why people would throw in the towel and choose not to breastfeed their children. Trust me, stick it out. Once we got home I was so much more comfortable and calm and I think that helped Charlie figure out how to latch, etc. After your nipples heal it is seriously the most amazing experience. Our bodies are incredible. *Note: these are my favorite nursing bras (so supportive) + don’t forget these and these!

Sleep: We have absolutely no schedule at this point. Charlie loves to sleep during the day and then tends to be fussy at night when I’m ready to sleep {9pm} and doesn’t settle down until midnight. I usually do a feeding at 3am and then I’ve been able to pump and store milk for Dave to do a feeding at 6am which allows me to sleep until 8am. I’m adjusting to 2-3 hour sleep increments. It’s amazing what you can accomplish on no sleep!

Products: In no particular order, these are the items that have been used daily around our household. Nuna Pipa car seat, Nuna Ivvi stroller, NoseFrida Snotsucker, Baby Gap socks, Gerber white onesies, Soothies, Medela Freestyle breast pump, K’Tan wrap (baby wearing is the best! he falls asleep in a second and I can work), White Noise Baby App (we love the hair dryer + doppler ultrasound), Boppy lounger, Babyganics face and hand wipes and the 4moms infant bathtub. Feel free to email me with any questions!

Despite a rough first two weeks, I can’t even begin to describe how incredible motherhood is. I didn’t know I could love anything so much and Charlie has completely opened my eyes to what really matters in this world. Trust me when I say that none of the things that stress you out in this moment will matter in a few years. Your peers, any feeling of envy or jealousy, competitiveness, someone bumming you out at work – I promise that regardless of whether you are a mom, become a mom, or never have children – none of it matters. Life is so precious and I hope that in the days, months or years to come something  happens in your life that makes you realize that whatever is getting you down is just a bump in the road. If I’ve learned anything in the last month it’s that moments pass by in the blink of an eye and we have to take advantage of every second.

I love you, Charlie! And I love you, blog readers, for your continued and constant support. xoxo