shop this look: Rachel Antanoff Jumpsuit (wearing a small)

Hello and welcome to January! The leap from December to January always feels sort of jarring. Like overnight we go from celebrating the holidays and joyful to quiet, winter doldrums. I kind of feel like I’m going to let this January be a little lazy. After a year of pushing myself to get back into whatever groove I thought I had before a move and a baby, I need a month to just be. We deserve a period of time between December and the start of a new year to ease in. January seems like a good month to do so.

I think I feel this way because I spent the last 8 days of 2021 with COVID (yes, I am fully vaccinated). I started to feel very fatigued on Christmas night. I sort of chalked it up to a holiday season hangover from early mornings with the kids, too much wine and not enough water. But the day after Christmas I woke up feeling a little more beat up, took some Advil and tried to fight through it for the day but by that night I was feeling very fluish. I fought a fever for the next 48 hours, quarantined up in our bedroom, followed by a few days of emerging when I needed to with a mask. It was a solid 6/7 days of sickness but I’m feeling so much better, pretty much back to normal with a little bit of post sickness fatigue. Many of you remembered that I actually tested positive this time last year when I was having George although I only found out because of a routine test before delivery and I was asymptomatic. I got so many messages on Instagram about our protocol and what we were doing to keep our family safe this time around (I was the only one who ended up testing positive) and it reminded me how all-consuming this has been for our mindsets over the past couple years.

We quarantined as a family for a week although I was very much absent/isolated for majority of it. Dave had just gotten his booster two weeks ago and dealt with symptoms for 48 hours after so he felt fine which thank GOD because if both of us were down it would have been a different experience. I had so many mom’s reach out about what to do and honestly, you have to do what’s best for your family. My kids came into my room 20x a day asking if I was ok, crying for me, begging me to come downstairs. You can follow all of the guidelines in place and you still have to do what works for your own family. We got to a point where we were either all going to get it together or get lucky. We got lucky!

So here we are, January 3 and I kind of feel like wtf was 2021. I had a lot of time to think about who I am and what I am doing. What I want for myself and my family and my mindset. I feel like the last two years I’ve been living in fear and I am completely exhausted. Covid is one thing but the idea of this looming illness has heightened every fear of sickness I have for my kids and my family. I’m so tired. It’s like I am hyper aware of everything around me, every comment that is made, every opportunity for me to say or do the wrong thing based on someone else’s opinion…The other night Dave woke up in the middle of the night and went to the bathroom. I was woken up by the light and when I thought he had been in there for too long I raced in asking if everything was ok. He was looking for some Tums and gave me a hug and said “hunny, do you live your life in fear?” and I responded Yes! I fear every noise, every stir in the night from my kids, every DM, every chance for something to go wrong. And I’m exhausted.

I was reminded of something my friend Jackie told me last year about problem or possibility. If you look at things from a fear based perspective then there will always be a problem. But if you look at something with the idea that it could go well and be amazing, then there is so much more possibility. I am really going to take this into 2022 with me.

So that’s where I’m at! Emerging from the COVID cloud and going to give myself a break (not from work but from my own thoughts, ha). And I hope you’re well and you’re healthy and your family is healthy and safe because I don’t wish this on anyone. If I learned anything it’s that we are all just doing our best. And maybe someone else’s best doesn’t look like your best and that’s ok.

I’m excited to have you here and I’m looking forward to the year ahead. xoxo